Every girl is in search of a guy who makes her feel the most beautiful girl in the world, the one who cares for her and always be by her side no matter what the situation is. A girl is always in a lookout for her prince charming. Someone who is tall and dark/white (whatever you like), and is different from all the other boys in the world.
If you have found the love of your life by yourself, this is not for you. But if you are going to choose a life partner through an arranged marriage set up, you have come to the right place.
Arranged marriages are testing. And they will throw you with many challenges. While you can’t do away with all your challenges, you can reduce your troubles of groom hunting by asking the right questions. Read on to prepare yourself for the first meeting.
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What Is Arranged Marriage Like?
An arranged marriage set up is usually done by parents or relatives where you hardly know the guy or his family.
So, obviously there will be butterflies in your stomach when you are about to meet the guy. Also, at the same time, you will be nervous about how things will go with him.
There will be a lot of questions popping in your mind before you meet the guy. How does he look? What does he do? What is his nature like? And many more such questions.
When you decide to get married through an arranged marriage set up, you are going to meet a total stranger. Hence, it becomes difficult to make a decision as to whether he is perfect for you or not. You have to be very careful.
Now obviously, most of the girls must be thinking about how to start a conversation with the guy who is a complete stranger to you. I’m sure; lots of you must have experienced the same. So girls, don’t worry. I’m here to your rescue. Here are some important arranged marriage questions you must surely ask the guy during your first meeting. This will help you know the guy better and also decide whether you should take this thing further or not. So, let’s dig in.
1. What are your hobbies?
Let’s start with something basic and easy-breezy questions to make the conversation less pressurizing and stressful. Asking about the guy’s hobbies and his interests is the best way to start a conversation. You’ll come to know about his lifestyle and personal interests. The best thing is if your hobbies and interests coincidentally match then you will have loads to talk about.
2. What are your career goals and future plans?
This is one of the most important arranged marriage questions you need to ask the guy. It is important as you need to know how passionate your would-be partner is about his career. Does he have any future plans? What is he planning to have a successful career ahead? Asking him about his career and future plans will let you know whether he is serious about it or he is someone who has no goals at all. Though it depends on the way, the guy answers your questions you’ll surely get a hint about it. If he isn’t a career-oriented guy and has no future plans, it can affect your future. Also, it means that he won’t be able to take responsibilities and manage things in the future. Your future can be at stake.
3. Are you planning to settle abroad in the near future?
This question can be optional for many of you, but it is necessary too. So, if you are dreaming of settling with your partner abroad after marriage, you definitely need to ask him this question. If he has no plans to settle abroad, then you can according decide before taking things further. However, it can be another way around too. You have no plans to settle down abroad, so it is a good idea to clarify things first before taking things forward. Because if the guy is planning for a having a career abroad and settling there and you’re not ready for it, then it’s of no use taking things forward.
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4. Are you okay with marrying a career-oriented woman?
In today’s time, this is a must-ask arranged marriage question for men. The times have changed, and now there’s no difference between a boy and a girl. Both are equal and are successful and career-oriented. So if you are passionate and ambitious about your career, express the same to the guy. Ask him if he is okay marrying a girl like you who is not willing to give up her career. Find out if he is intimidated or feels complex with his woman’s success in her career. Ask him if he is okay if you are earning more than him. Ask him whether he is comfortable and allow you to work/study/travel after marriage. Lastly, ask him whether or not he will be supportive of you to achieve your goals. If the guy agrees to all this, then give it a go.
5. What are views about having kids? Do you see yourself with any in the future?
This is also one of the essential arranged marriage questions you need to ask the guy. Well, many might not give much importance to this as they assume that if you get married, you’ll definitely have kids someday. If you are thinking the same, then you might be wrong. There are many who don’t want kids. The reasons can be anything depending on person-to-person. Sometimes, the girls don’t want kids, sometimes the boys. So, it is necessary to know the views of the guy and ask him this question. For example, you have decided never to have kids, but the guy wants one, then it could be a problem. However, things can be vice versa. Hence, it is necessary to take this topic into consideration.
6. What will be your responsibilities towards your family?
This question will be a bit personal, but it is still necessary to ask. It might not go well with a guy as you are directly questioning him about his capabilities. But it is necessary for you to know how responsible he is towards his family. This will let you understand about the way he is capable of taking care of his family members, and if he is good at managing this, he will definitely take care of you in the same way.
7. Are you comfortable with taking the responsibilities of my family?
This is one of the most important arranged marriage question girls ask these days to the guy. This can be a test sort of thing for a guy that will help you know if he is a right guy for you or not. Girls never stop helping their family even after they get married. You always feel responsible for your family and try to help them whenever they need you. So, you feel the need to ask the guy the same and know what his views about the same are. If the guy feels responsible enough towards your family like his, then you can definitely consider him making your life partner. Even if he doesn’t, by asking this question, you will be able to judge him and his intentions. It will help you make the right choice.
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8. Have you been in a relationship before?
This is a bit of personal question, but you need to know. You can casually ask the guy about his past relationships and the reason they broke up. If the guy hasn’t done anything wrong, he would definitely open up about it and share with you. It will also help you gain confidence and develop trust. This can be an optional question depending on how comfortable are you to ask this to the guy.
9. What do you think about substance abuse?/Do you drink or smoke?
Drinking and smoking is a pretty common thing which most of the guys do. However, there are some who drink but don’t smoke. Some smoke but don’t drink. Some have a habit of both. Then there are some who are too much addicted to these habits. It’s a part of their lifestyle, and they can’t change it. And we all know smoking and drinking in excess can be harmful to health too. So, if you are not comfortable with your would-be partner having either of the two habits or both, you can always make it clear about it. If they are ready to give up, you can go ahead with it or can simply not take things forward.
10. Are you comfortable living separately from your family after marriage?
This is the most commonly asked arranged marriage question by a girl in the first meeting itself. The concept of a nuclear family is fast emerging in India. Initially, a large part of the people in India used to live in joint families. But slowly things have changed, and now even people are accepting the concept of a nuclear family.
Couples, these days, prefer living separately instead of living together. This gives them their freedom and privacy and also to live their life as per their will. If you are pretty open-minded and dream of living separately from your in-laws, you should definitely have this conversation with the guy in the first meeting itself. The guy too will be able to express his views on the same and let you about his thoughts. If both of your thoughts match, then you can definitely consider taking things forward.
11. Are you religious or spiritual? How extreme are your views?
You must definitely consider asking this necessary arranged marriage question to the guy you meet. As we all know, anything in excess can create problems. In the same way, it is important for you to know about how much the guy is involved in being religious or spiritual. Being religious or spiritual to a certain extent is alright, but if it’s too much, the family and the guy will demand the same from you. Also, if you are an atheist, you’ll have to make a lot of adjustments. So, it is best to talk to him about his family’s religious beliefs and their expectations from you.
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Asking Arranged Marriage Questions for the First Meeting
Some of the above questions may come off as too direct, harsh or even personal. But there’s always a way to ask them. You need to learn to put forth these questions while blending them in your conversation. Just when you and the guy are totally engaged in a conversation and get a bit comfortable in talking, shoot the question at that time. Don’t force any questions in the conversation or try to get it out from the guy forcefully. Try to gain his confidence at first and then start asking. See how things are going and then be ready to ask the rest of the questions. Also, don’t be judgmental, take some time to know what he is trying to convey.
He is definitely the right guy for you if…
Knowing a total stranger and deciding to marry him is a big task. Sometimes, you tend to misunderstand the guy and reject him. Sometimes, you tend to take the wrong decision by choosing the wrong guy which you will regret for the rest of your life.
There is no harm in expressing yourself and talking about your expectations from him. Feel free to talk about what you feel and the way he reciprocates. If you get all the positive vibes from him and he is willing to compromise to fulfil all your wishes and demands. He is definitely the right guy for you.
Arranged marriage is a tricky concept, still, there are many who prefer finding a life partner this way. There are thousands of successful marriages that were set up by parents or relatives, in India. In fact, most Indian marriages are still categorised as arranged. They are happily living with each other, having kids and a bright future for themselves. In fact, these couples highly recommend an arranged marriage to many who are in search of a perfect match.