Forget about dying alone. Your biggest fear in life should be being a bad partner. Nothing can be worse than providing someone with an utterly disappointing relationship experience. It is one thing to never find the love of your life but finding the one and losing them because you were not good enough is a whole new level.
So, how can you be good at relationships? Well, firstly, toss those philosophical ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ kind of crap out of the window. The only reason those books sell millions of copies is that they are marketed well. I mean, do you see that title? All you need to do is relearn what you already know about relationships. So, regardless of how many psychoanalysing, garbage bin of essays you read, there is nothing that you are going to know that you already don’t know about relationships.
And that is why, today, our primary focus is going to be on helping you reconnect with the original views about relationships that were not contaminated by the social trends. Thus, coming to the question, how good are you with relationships? Theoretically, you are great! You are a social animal that was made for relationships. But we have forgotten our roots. So, here are the 10 most common things that make you good at relationships. You know them. You like them. Once you relearn them, you would be an ideal person to be in a relationship with.
You Might Also Like: 20 Secrets to a Happy Relationship that Everyone Should Know
1. You patiently listen to your partner. Even when you are not quite interested in what they are saying
This is one of the most mature traits of a good partner. You listen to your partner even when you are not interested. And you don’t just pretend. You actually pay attention. It seems simple, doesn’t it? But it requires work! It requires a level of maturity that admits that you have chosen your partner consensually. And not by force. When you are a good partner, you know that it is your duty to listen to your partner’s views and thoughts. Because even if they are not interesting, they are important enough for your partner to tell them to you. Because they matter! And you want to show it to them. So, what better way than to actually listen to what they are saying intently.
2. When your partner is wrong, you are not afraid to correct them
If there is something that makes you a better partner or shows that you are good at relationships, it is this! If you are one of those who don’t go around spilling their knowledge to everyone, then you would totally relate to this. You only correct the people that you think are worth your time and you think you are going to be around for long. Usually, people do not prefer correcting those who they don’t find worth their time or advice. Also, you can’t actually correct someone if you are not paying attention to them. So, it could be considered as a sign of your high involvement in the relationship. And that is something that definitely makes you a good partner in a relationship.
Moreover, it is better if you correct them rather than an outsider does it. For instance, people find it extremely resentful when their partner tries to correct their grammar. But however mad it makes them, you should never shy away from correcting your partner within your four walls. It is better to be embarrassed in front of you than be made fun of in a room full of people. And drawing from my experience, it can go horribly wrong when that happens.
You Might Also Like: 10 Unusual Things All Women Expect from Men – (Secrets Revealed by a Woman)
3. You consider your partner to be your family, no matter how long you have been dating for
It is not about being committed. Nor about knowing how serious you are with the person that you are with. Maturity comes from knowing that your partner is a major part of your life and that they are just as important as your family is, irrespective of how long you been dating them for. No matter how old or new relationship is, it is your responsibility to make your partner feel like they are an integral part of your life.
The importance of a relationship in a person’s life cannot be measured by the time they have spent with each other. And maybe your relationship is a secret and your family does not really know about your partner. But that does not mean that you can’t stand up for them when they need you as you would do for your family. That kind of prioritising is of utmost significance. Therefore, one of the signs of being a good partner is that you consider your partner to be your family. And if you can do that, you are good with relationships.
4. You give your partner the space that they need
Space is NOT a word made up by someone who is afraid to get too close. In fact, giving your partner the much-needed space is one of the most underrated traits of being a good partner in a relationship. While in some relationships, space is something that is extremely natural, in others, it is a privilege. The latter type of relationships is all around you. Such relationships are practically toxic as they frustrate the individuals who are involved in it more than give them a sense of bliss. They are stemmed from insecurity.
You see, relationships are so fragile these days that they are easily broken. There are relationships that start off with a strong bond and last for as less as a week. This pattern of relationships is very disturbing to an average individual. So, when they find the right one for them, they overcompensate. Which means that they make sure that they do everything to keep them around, even if it means that they have to do it as aggressively as keeping their partner under a house arrest and break all their partner’s friendships.
Of course, you did not think space could be this important. But you realise how horrifying it can be when you put it realistically!
You Might Also Like: 20 Unthinkable Tips for Sustaining a Long-Distance Relationship
5. You wait for them to come around after a fight
One of the signs of a bad partner is giving up. If you give up in a relationship after every small fight, then I am sorry, Chandler, you would find it very hard to be in successful, long-term relationships. Because relationships don’t work that way. One of the signs of being a good partner and being good at relationships is that you never refuse to give your 100% to the relationship.
You know you are a good partner when you are ready to lend your ears to your partner, no matter how insensible they are sounding to you. Your mature self waits for your partner to come around after you have just fought so that you can have a rational conversation about it. And when your partner does come to you, you are not ready to jump them with preconceived notions or assumptions about their behaviour. You wait for your turn to speak because you know that it is the right and the more grown-up thing to do.
6. You don’t try to outsmart your partner even if you are more intelligent than them
Here, we are going to assume that you are the more intelligent one in your relationship. You may or may not be. Who knows? But let’s just consider you to be the more level-headed of the two partners.
One thing that Kevin Hart’s standups teach you about relationships is that the moment you try to act clever is the moment you mess up. Therefore, let us just presume that we are humans and we are bound to make errors. When you try to outsmart your partner in a cunning way, you are actually being condescending to them. This helps you feel superior about yourself. This kind of behaviour shows how petty you are, which would catch up with your self-worth in the long run. Also, such behaviour shuts out your chances of having an adult relationship at any point in time. So, you are losing more than just your self-worth. You are putting your one chance of finding the right partner for yourself on the line.
You Might Also Like: 12 Basic Rules for Every Successful Friends-With-Benefits Relationship
7. You try to understand your partner’s perspective during every fight
Before you and your partner go your separate ways after a fight, there is something that you as a good partner would do. You would try to understand your partner’s perspective during your fight. It is essential to know where the other person is coming from before you begin to place blame. What may seem insensible to you may make perfect sense to your partner. Thus, dismissing their thought system completely and asking them to accept yours is kind of foolish.
The end objective of a fight or an argument usually is to get your partner to accept your perspective. So, when you are not open enough to accept their point of view, don’t expect them to accept yours. For no matter how much you try, they would not accept your opinion unless you agree to theirs. So, you need to come to a reasonable solution. What suits you should be something that works for them, too. Because let us not forget that this is a two-person relationship that we are talking about and not just you.
When you come to think about it, relationships are just like business deals. The only difference is that there is a little more emotion involved. The negotiation, otherwise, is uncannily the same.
8. Your partner’s other close relations do not threaten you
They can go out with their friends just like you have the right to go out with yours. If your partner is working late in their office and you happen to call them just when they are not around their phone and someone else picks up, it should not bother you. Even if it is someone of the opposite sex. Why? Unless your partner is showing multiple signs of cheating on you, there is nothing you should feel threatened about.
You tend to do the dumbest things when you panic, which is something that happens when you feel threatened or insecure. A person who is good at relationships knows what their insecurity can turn their relationship into – a breeding ground for resentment and sorrow. Trust is the foundation of love. Love is what keeps a relationship happy. On the other hand, possessiveness and jealousy are stemmed from self-doubt, which is your problem, not your partner’s. So, even if your partner is hanging out with another group of people, if at the end of the day they are coming back to you, it is not worth jeopardising such a relationship with your insecurity.
You Might Also Like: 11 Things That Happen When You Play Hard to Get
9. Not having a heart to heart does not trigger you
Now that you are adults, there are more things in your life than just talking about your feelings. This may seem like a heartless thing to say because as blogs, we are supposed to tell you exactly what you want to hear. But I beg to differ. A grown-ups life is a little more complicated than simply sharing what they are feeling. You have various commitments. If you are living with your partner, you have errands to run. There is so much to do besides just going to work, which is no more 9 to 5, by the way. These days jobs are so demanding that it would be a miracle if you could find just two seconds to kiss your partner.
In such a hectic schedule, not having a heart to heart every once in a while should not trigger a good partner to react aggressively. Because they know exactly that there is just so much a human being can do. They would surely talk to their partners about it to try to come to a solution. However, guilt-tripping is not something that they would prefer doing. So, if this is something you can relate to, you probably are good at relationships.
10. You are independent enough to take care of the house alone
Since we are on the subject of living together, here is another trait of a good partner that you can consider. When you are living with someone, (anyone!) your primary objective should be not to make them feel like they have made a wrong decision by letting you in. Now, this does not mean that you constantly act like you are indebted to the other person or anything. It simply means that you are good at making the other person comfortable in your company.
Take note especially if you are living with someone who has an OCD for their stuff. Consider their house as your own and share the work. A person who is good with relationships knows that they have to show their partner how independent they are time and again. Doing this increases the level of trust between the two partners because you tend to trust a grown-up more than a child. Human psychology!
If you are able to show signs of independence when your partner is around, they would trust you with their stuff even when they are away. And as mentioned earlier, trust is the core of any healthy relationship. Imagine the kind of relief your partner would get knowing that they do not have to worry about you or the house while they are away. You know you are good at relationships when your partner can publically say, “Oh I don’t have to worry. *Your name* can take care of that while I am away.” A compliment and a sense of pride. Not a bad combination, I suppose.