It might sound absurd to say that breakup is good. Let us get straight that breakups are no joke. It makes us realise how our smart mind gives up and kneels to an ailing heart.
Tina B. Tessina, better known as Dr Romance, says
“Gradually over a period of time, the new relationship euphoria begins to wear off, and reality sets in. Both partners relax and stop being on their best behaviour. They begin to disagree about things they were tolerant of before.”
Breakup becomes inevitable.
Discussing it with friends and blaming whosoever, hardly makes you feel rejuvenated. Rarely, one can find any peck of happiness around them. In one of the most shocking breakup statistics, it was found that 77 per cent of Indian youth keeps their relationship hidden from their parents, 86 per cent of people admits to looking at photos of their ex; 14 per cent of married people admit to doing so often. And 50 per cent of people have called, texted or emailed an ex. You zone out and keep the funeral of your feelings on. But does it all sounds sane? Is this the only way to perceive breakups?
My friend, perceptions, as you know, prove to be a sharp weapon when it comes to an understanding a productive ending. Speaking of this, people, in general, take breakup a cyclonic mishap, but we fail to understand the flip side of it.
We do not realise it often but believing what our senior generation says about ‘whatever happens, it is for our good’, the present, post-breakup, turn you towards a new chapter in life. It gives you a new you. It affects us in ways unimaginable. Now you are wondering how right? Let’s take out the wraps and look at the unseen wows of a breakup decision.
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1. You indulge in your hobbies more than ever
You could relate to this if you had a rough breakup. Uh, breakup sucks. Not to reveal our fears or insecurity, or to do anything that can jam your ex anyhow, you might return to your long-forgotten old love, the passion of your life, your hobbies. Aah! What a solace you find there. There is nothing more serious and determined as a broken heart, right? You intentionally redirect your energy to work on the things that interest you the most. Do you find it easier said than done? Of course, yes. But once you become best friends with your hobbies, your ex loses fails to impress you anymore.
2. You spend more time with your family
The lost bird comes back to its nest. I think we all would agree that the breakup makes us realise how much we were messing up with our family life and in fact, brings us inches closer to them. Often, your lover button pushes you to despicable limits but credits to your break up; you sync in back with your real gems. Isn’t that the most amazing feeling to get to know that people around you love the raw you? Ganging up with your dad, getting few dictations from your upset mom, fighting cats and dogs with siblings, followed by lots of bitching and gossiping, all over again, you start enjoying your time at your den, all in wish to compensate for all the lost times of smiles and togetherness. You re-discover what your family means to you.
3. People don’t find you occupied with your phone all the time
Have you ever noticed yourself checking your phone’s chat windows? Did you find yourself bothered by not getting timely calls? Have you been reprimanded for hogging your phone continuously at the dining table? Have you behaved like a typical online stalker with your partner and kept a frequent watch on his or her updates on Facebook or Instagram? Now you would realise the unnerving connection between your love relationship and your cell phone. Strange but annoyingly true. The chatting and photo editing apps are sweeping all of your time and poor you, you are happily getting drifted away from the reality zone. This digital space is intersecting your individual and family space too dangerously.
Remember the times when you were stuck at your phone for hours, sending love emoticons, fighting on irrelevant petty issues and talking for hours as if it is something which is going to save the world. At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, lovers are awake to life and freedom. So were you. Surely, break up was a good idea to enlighten you about your gross mobile phone addiction. For real, you again start connecting to the tiniest yet noteworthy details around yourself.
4. You find your emotional balance restored
Scientists at University College London have shown that love is blind indeed. They found that feelings of love lead to a suppression of activity in the areas of the brain controlling critical thought. One wrong person and it becomes emotional havoc. Isn’t it? All the time, it is about their needs, their smiles, their complaints, their worries. You feel not respected enough, emotionally blackmailed, mistreated, or just out of place.
Despite living this crappy life, you never question or rather, doubt your existence in their trying world. And even worse, can you see how desperate you were to hold on to your miserable state? You end up defragmenting yourself bit by bit. But once it is over, it is one hell of peace. All of a sudden, it strikes you who you are and what pathetic being you were becoming, had the breakup not happened at the right hour. It is like you start getting hold of yourself, getting your oxytocin, estrogen or testosterone levels back within the normal range. What a comeback, right? To regain your original version, break up was a good idea to bounce back and restore your emotional balances.
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5. You make independent decisions effortlessly
All of us at certain points in our lives, have surrendered to our partners, for good reasons unknown. Wondering any harms? When you become submissive in a relationship, it costs you, your confidence and ownership. You do it clearly out of your love, unaware of disastrous consequences of your blind faith. Breakup was a good idea because you were digging the grave of your self-confidence and ownership sense. Moving out of habit of relying unwillingly on readymade decisions, it gives you a setback, but you come out as a winner. And of course, who does not like to have independent say and free space to walk around? Time to raise a toast to freedom.
6. You don’t live a life of pretence anymore
To save your broken relationship, how many times have you pretended to accept all their belongings whole-heartedly? Can you count? Taking no as an answer, it signifies that your breakup was a good idea. You do not need to pretend to like their awful friends and annoying relatives. Did they have an irritating best friend or a dogmatist mother? Good news- you will no longer have to pretend to get along with these people just for maintaining the peace in your relationship.
7. Your body thanks you
To err is human. But little do we know that our body suffers the repercussions of our mistakes. In the process of a mismatch dating, we lose more than we realise. Emotionally, you get drained out. You are made to disrupt your familial relations, your personal and professional life balance and most of your routine. You have kept daydreaming while compelling you somehow to pursue unhealthy eating habits and chaotic time table.
Long hours of chatting and talking on phones raise another warning for your vital organs, especially your eyes and ears. But once in the state of melancholy post-breakup, you feel apologetic for not taking enough care of your body. You realise what you have put your body through. And that is when your body says thanks to you and tells you that breakup was a good idea for sure. You need not pretend unhurt by their diplomatic stands when it comes to their family or friends.
8. Your money rarely escapes from your wallet
The best sound ringing in the ears. Do you realise that you have just escaped from a financial drain off? How do you wish to swell your bank accounts instead of acting like a bank account itself for somebody else? Nothing comes for free, dear but one fallacious relationship and you are squeezed out like forever. It feeds on your money slowly and smartly. Out of generosity, we never question our ‘love’ but allow our ‘love’ to stay as a parasite and crumble us. Post-breakup, you get to realise how smart you are at savings.
Besides, you spend on your wish list things. Becoming selfish has never felt being this good. You window-shop, you peruse, and you buy. And for the first time, you have become your priority. This certainly calls for a Tarzan shout. Don’t you think the breakup was a good idea? I heard a sigh, and an ‘I swear.’
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9. You get your friendships back because now you have more time for your buds
After your breakup, there is somebody else even happier than you – your buddies. They have got their lost friend back to their territory. If you are in a dodgy relationship, you might well be kept away from your well-wishers, esp. your friends. In a blind move, you ditch your robust support system. The mistake which you probably realise later. Had not your love relationship come to an end, you would have missed a place to go to in your distress, a situation which spoils you to crazy limits, people who bring the best possible weirdo version of you. Reaching back to your gang is always a good idea. Oh boy! You can smell the freedom of all sorts of expressions. Definitely, the breakup was a good idea.
10. You proudly wear your workaholism on your sleeve
Sitting at your desk with eyes staring at the impossible deadlines and at the same time, getting a ping on your phone saying ‘Baby, I need you to do something for me’, which when stayed up is followed by ‘Baby, don’ t you have time for me? That means you don’t love me anymore.’ Take a chill. You were already earning your money a hard way to keep your partner happy and fulfilled. But it is always a good idea to give up if this much fringing is taking place. Though your partner won’t t be able to understand the term “space”, you deserve yours. So quitting and breakup is a good idea as it allows you to work clear-headed at your work, without any unwanted worthless interference.
11. You are certain that you have relationship lessons for a lifetime
There was one time when your grandma was the primary source of the pool of experiences and various lessons to lead a healthy civil life. Now it is your situations, decisions and relations which do the job for her. Despite being in a negative association, you put to work all of your emotional resources. You somehow managed to sail together with plenty of perseverance. But it was in the very end when you got a reality check and gained some sense. Amongst a bunch of insights you got, best is never to curtail your existence in the relationship. You realise not to underestimate your power and potential and never to follow anyone blindly, even if it is just because of your love for the person.
The lessons you receive is a universal ‘wake up and stay alert’ call for almost all the breakup victims.
According to the recent figures out of the American Psychological Association as on July 27, 2018, as many as 50 per cent of marriages in the United States eventually end in divorce. But in India, the divorce rate is less than 1 per cent. Out of 1000 weddings, only 13 results in separation. But nothing to be happy about because the low divorce rate owes up to the social pressures, we generally succumb to. How about becoming a part of revolutionary India where you can fight for your freedom and genuine happiness? Do not regret it, because your breakup was a good idea indeed.
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