Thousands of psychologists across the world have been studying the effects of playing hard to get on individuals for decades. And while several blogs say it is a sure-shot way of getting your better half, there are a lot of other possibilities, too. So, what happens when you play hard to get?
I have witnessed both men and women playing hard to get to make someone fall for them. I have always found this to be somewhat deceiving. I always think that it is wrong to play with someone’s feelings. But I am no expert. And that is why I thought of doing some research. Countless researchers have spoken about both the good and the ill effects of playing hard to get in their research papers. Here are 11 things that happen when you play hard to get.
1. You Risk Losing Your Mr Right/Ms Right
When you play hard to get, you tend to give out certain negative vibes to the other person. You let them feel they are unimportant to you or that their company does not matter to you. Nobody likes to feel they are chasing someone who is not interested in them.
Maybe you misjudged them!
So, when you make someone feel like that, you risk losing them. And I know that you are trying to make them realise that you are worth a lot more. But it can go horribly wrong. Maybe you never considered the possibility that they might respect you as much as you deserve. Perhaps you misjudged them for something that they are not. Playing hard to get could be dangerous territory.
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2. You May Not Be the Real You
Sometimes, when you are trying too hard, you end up being fake. This is not a good sign. Because this is no ordinary person. This is someone whom you may end up being in a relationship with if things work out. So, if you pretend to be someone that you are not, carrying on that act further would become a problem. Let’s look at one such possibility –
You are hanging out with a man who is not too fond of socialising. You lie to him saying you agree with him just because you want to appear ‘exclusive.’ If it works out between the two of you, how would you be able to manage your social circle if you are a social butterfly? It would almost be as if you are betraying him.
When you are playing hard to get, you end up promising things that you don’t really follow. And while maintaining these two separate lives may not seem like such a big deal right now, in time, it may become one.
3. Men Prefer Women Who Are Approachable
Anyone can play hard to get. But specifically talking about men, they like women who are approachable. No, I am not referring to women who don’t know where to draw the line. I am talking about women who are in control, who are mature enough to know who is right for them and who is not. Let me paint a picture for you. You are sitting at a restaurant, and three men offer you a drink. Now, you can either accept them all or refuse them all. And whatever you do would reflect your character. So, what would you do? You can actually ditch both those options and select the third option. You can choose which one of them to accept. Selectiveness!
What you do reflects your character!
When you ‘choose,’ you send out a message that you are not everyone’s cup of tea. You let people know you are not accessible to all. And men love a woman who keeps her social circle exclusive.
However, this also can go terribly wrong. If you are not a good judge of people, you might miss out on a good guy. And for that guy, you might become unapproachable, which would mean that for him, you are not the right woman. So, your playing hard to get charade might just come ricocheting back to you.
4. Women Prefer Men Who Give Them Complete Attention
Coming to the ladies, remember one thing that women are like dogs. It is funny but true. They require constant pampering and undivided attention. If you are a man thinking of playing hard to get, you might want to rethink your decision.
Women are lazy. Only a handful from a crowd of a hundred females would actually keep up with a man who is not giving them his complete attention. Think men have big egos? Women have egos that are 20 times bigger than theirs. So, if you think she would keep messaging you even if you reply only one out of the three messages that she sends you, you are in the wrong, my friend.
5. It May Take Longer than Usual
Typically, a relationship starts when two people like each other. They hang out, learn each other’s likes and dislikes, and understand each other’s perspectives. And this is healthy.
You channel all your energy toward being difficult!
However, when you are playing hard to get, you end up wasting too much time. You may get so focused on becoming a ‘challenge’ to the other person that it becomes more of a competition than anything else. You don’t realise this, but you channel all your energy toward being difficult. So, what could have happened in 2 days, takes two weeks. This can become really annoying for the other person, and there may develop certain resentful feelings. And this is unhealthy.
6. You May End Up Hurting Them
If someone is chasing you, it is obvious that they like you. So, it is important that you respect their feelings. While you are trying to be a challenge for someone, you might end up hurting them. Your ‘moves’ may seem smooth to you, but they may do irreversible damages to the other person. And this is not just speculation. It actually happens to many people. And it is ugly. So, be careful!
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7. Nobody Likes a Person Who Plays with Someone’s Ego
Playing hard to get is similar to teasing someone. So, if you are entering that territory, be ready for the consequences.
What happens when you don’t hit it off, or they don’t find you worth the hype? You may come across someone who is truly impatient and you teasing them might just trigger them. I know there is a lot of negativity oozing out from this possibility. But if you are going to do something to set someone off, you should be prepared for anything and everything.
8. You Begin to Think You Have the Upper Hand
Every relationship needs to have balance. That is the only way they survive. When you play hard to get, you become the one who is in power. And one thing we should know about relationships is that no one person should have all the power in a relationship. Both should have the same position. If not, there may be a lack of respect for either one of the individuals.
When you begin to think you have the upper hand in a relationship, the sense of freedom that accompanies with it may pose as a threat to your relationship. And while this may seem far-fetching, cheating is one thing that is derived from the feeling of superiority. So, you see, playing hard to get can indeed ruin your relationship.
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9. It Doesn’t Help People with OCD
One of the things that you are required to follow when you are playing hard to get is you have to bid adieu to your OCD. Let me elaborate on that. Forgetting your OCD means you cannot reply to any messages on time. You need to ensure that even if you are online, you take some time to text back. Besides, you cannot be punctual because you are trying to be breezy and casual. You also have to stop paying attention to detail like you usually do. Sometimes, you cannot be mindful either, which means you should be a little unattentive, as well. While some people think that doing things like these would make them more likeable, those at the receiving end of it often end up being hurt. And that is one thing that you should never intentionally do.
10. You Unintentionally Raise the Expectations
Remember what happened to The Nun? They set its premise since The Conjuring II. Then they incorporated her glimpse in the end credit scene of Annabelle Creation. And do you remember that awesome trailer with that terrifying jumpscare at the end of it? Yes, we all remember all of that! We were all so excited to see it on the silver screen. But do you remember what they did to the movie? Don’t stress because no one really does.
If you are setting out to create a hype, make sure you are worth it!
The point that I am trying to make here is that when you play hard to get, you raise the expectations of the other person. If you are setting out to create a hype, make sure you are worth it. Basically, ensure that you are worth their time.
11. They May Want You but Not Necessarily Like You
Let’s take some time to understand the difference between these two terms. When someone wants you, their desire is influencing them. However, when someone likes you, their feeling is drawn out of the qualities that they like or dislike in you. For example, you may desire the latest Batman action figurine after seeing an advertisement, but you may only like it after actually using it.
If you have been playing hard to get, you may strike a person’s fancy. But keeping that notion intact could become a problem. There are very few people who truly and relentlessly pursue their desires. Since you are portraying yourself as a challenge, the other person may treat you only as a challenge rather than an actual potential partner. And when that would happen, any possibility of being with them would nullify.
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12. You Might Actually Get Your Love
Out of all the things that can go horribly wrong, finding true love is something that may happen when you are trying to play hard to get. Sure, there are literally ten other bad things that may happen. But the only one thing that you are expecting to happen through this ‘I’m out of your league’ demeanour may actually happen.
In fact, some people enjoy pursuing people who make love challenging for them. They find it thrilling. While the odds are ten to one, it depends on whether you are willing to take the risk. And you may want to keep your fingers crossed for the stakes are higher. You never know, you might end up meeting the love of your life after all.