The institute of marriage has always been an adventure. But in modern times, we have taken this concept way too seriously. We are either on the winning or the losing side. We are not even looking at the grey areas in our relationship. The real meaning of getting married is fading away. The foundations are not appearing as strong as before. And the worst part is we do not have time to realize it and do something about it.
It is highly distressing to see young married couples leading their stressful married lives devoid of any flavour of love and intimacy. Instead, it seems it is full of compromises and repentance. Let us look at some of the major, or say, common challenges of modern marriages.
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1. What if the expectations are too much to handle?
Unlike the old times, marriage brings along a hidden set of expectations of both the parties involved. These expectations are much more than what used to be in your parents’ generation. Revolutionary lifestyle and education might take the blame, but it is now posing a threat to the concept of marriage.
Earlier, the expectations were all about income, household chores, safety, security and love and care. But now, you have become more dependent on your partner to meet your needs to boost your self-esteem. You have set out your own list of the desires for your spouse, which when not met, upsets you to the core. You expect a specific code of conduct from your partner, in and out of your home premises. By planning to share all the responsibilities equally, you unknowingly burden your partners even more. The frustration arising out of it messes our internal equation. There is no harm on depending on your friends and relatives for specific needs.
2. What if you feel unnecessarily motivated to have a lavish wedding?
Modern weddings have turned into a popular business. You have wedding planners all around, selling some lucrative ideas which cover expensive dresses, catering, photography and video making, guest’s favours etc. On top of all this, the other common fancy idea famous these days is the destination wedding. It sounds like the wedding of our dreams. No doubt, you are moved easily by the idea of throwing a fancy event to brag about your shining future. But remember, the wedding is just for a day, marriage is for a lifetime.
The real challenge of modern marriages lies in keeping the love spirits high throughout our partnership. Besides, spending on exploring exquisite places around the world together or expenditures on the betterment of your lives altogether would be a wiser decision than chipping off your life’s savings on just one day.
3. What if the couple needs to live separately due to work reasons?
Our job can be demanding at times. It impacts us in many unspoken ways. The corporate culture makes our decision undeniably hard. The nature or location of work has its consequences on our married life. Due to some job transfers or a new job at a different location, you are required to live a long-distance relationship. They pose a challenge to your marriage as your conversations become texts, phone calls and video chats. You miss enjoying the sexual intimacy at all. When you really want your partner to be by your side, either in times of good news or distress, you feel miserably disappointed.
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4. What if boredom sinks into the marriage?
This is inevitable in every relationship. The more you are used to each other, the lesser you will attract each other. But that does not imply that there is no workable solution for it. When you get bored of eating the same food regularly, you do not discard it forever. You try to change the recipe. Same goes for a relationship. You must plan something to keep your partner interested and happy. Your partner would love to get to see a different ‘You’ at times. Do some crazy stuff. Bring some adventure to your daily routine. And for the record, both the spouses must contribute to making this ride thrilling and engrossed.
5. What if your spouse loves smartphone more than you?
“Look, I have got 400 likes and 150 comments on my post on Instagram”; “Wow! I got my recipe retweeted by 450 people today”. Isn’t this us somehow? Don’t we feel curious to check out what new is happening on our social media account? We remain stuck to our mobile games like every single spare minute. E-commerce websites do other tricks to keep us glued to our smartphones. True that this technology is handicapping us gradually, it is also chewing upon our marriage virtues. Citing it as a challenge of modern marriage would not be an offence.
Today, couples talk less, text more. To fulfil their sexual needs, there is a slight transition from sexual intimacy to pornographic or other adult websites. We get ecstatic about our increasing number of friends or followers online while ignoring the existence of your only companion of this lifetime.
Are married couples even paying attention? Couples should stop living in the virtual world and learn to live in the moment. That is the very least they can do.
6. What if your ex says hello to you?
All of our generation people have hidden crushes or first loves at some point in our life. First love or first crushes become a lifetime memory. Even when you will get reminded of them after ages, it is the good, happier instances of your relationship that flashes in your mind. The world is a small place to live in. It may happen that you might cross your paths again with your ex. The dead sparks may fly back or not. Point is it might deflect your attention from your current partner for a while. This may begin a chain of lies and deception in your married space. This uncalled intrusion definitely counts as a challenge of modern marriages.
You must mark the distinct line between doable and unacceptable. Do not breach that line for the sake of peace, sanity and sanctity of your marriage.
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7. What if the sexual inclinations lay off the heterosexual norms?
A paradigm shift in mentality regarding sexual inclinations has been seen lately. Though on September 6, 2018, the Supreme Court of India ruled that the application of Section 377 to consensual homosexual sex between adults was unconstitutional & irrational, society has not become an all-inclusive one. The LGBT community still feels locked out in most of the parts of the world our modern age. One always feels shy to walk with partner holding hand-in-hand in public places. They are still highly prone to scrutiny and criticism. Great minds of our society need to imbibe this reality sooner or later. Loving someone is an individual choice. That is not our legal premise to enter. We must celebrate their union as one of our own marriage.
8. What if marriage becomes a 50-50 partnership instead of a total 100 one?
Marriage is a two-way commitment, but it seems we are assigning some of them as “mine” and “yours”. By assuming it to be a 50-50 partnership, we are already setting the limits of our role in our relationship. We are keeping track of our partner’s contribution against ours. Unless they do their job well, we surely hesitate in putting any more efforts to rekindle our bond. This eventually leads to a not-so amicable marriage environment. We will have fights growing uglier by passing days because entitlement would replace love. Instead, we must take the responsible individual to give the best shot for everything we do for a blissful married life.
9. What if live in becomes easy-to-do option than marriage?
As per our modern societal standards, live-in ideology is welcomed as a good sign of progressive society. But there exists a very faint line between the concept of marriages and live-in relationships. Youth is finding the latter a better and comfortable option than being tied with someone for the whole life. People today prefer not to give in into long term commitments. In a live-step, they find it easier to test and walk out, but in a dangerous way, they are tampering the necessary foundation of the concept of marriage.
Marriage changes us as a whole, creating a better and unthinkable person of us. It works upon our attitude, patience, tolerance, discipline, temper and compassion. The live-in concept implies a temporary phase. It gives you dangerous levels of freedom. So, that is a challenge for modern marriage.
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10. What if the happiness of your kids becomes the driving point of your unhealthy marriage?
Coming across a lot more complexities in your marriage, after having kids, is a grave situation. It is no longer an easy decision to go separate ways. You pose an inspirational model to your little champs. You don’t want them to see your marriage crumbling in front of them. Instead, you chose to stay cordially and with as much possible harmony for their so-called happiness. However, your unhealthy equation as a couple will compromise the sound environment a kid needs to learn from. It would somehow impact the kid’s upbringing. They will know marriage as you set it out to them. The flimsy vibe might constitute their mental framework in a similar fashion.
Give your best efforts to either resolve your differences and make peace, or work together to give a congenial environment for your kid.
11. What if the marriage is no more satisfactory enough?
In the times where consumerism has pitched its all-time high and materialistic things have attained utmost importance, the demand-supply ratio is on a steep high rate. You are no longer content with what you have at hand at the moment. You keep craving for some or other things from your partner. Petty complaints persist for a longer time. You tend to overlook the greener aspects of your marriage.
Reaching a satisfaction level has become a nearly impossible task at hand. For that matter, people have started showcasing the brighter facets of their relationship. Show-off has become the new common. In reality, we turn into a pitiful person who either lives in the past or worries too much about our future. Remember, it is an internal fight. You are at war with yourself. You have to get over the petite misconceptions of your mind.
12. What if your baby planning doesn’t get along with your body health?
As per the IMA reports, disease incidence rates have been increasing in the younger aged population. People are diagnosed with infertility or another malfunctioning of body organs, at a comparatively early age of life. Though being a die-hard follower of proper family planning concept, newlywed couples are finding it challenging to adhere to because of some health issues setting in at very early stages of their marriage.
Most couples get diagnosed with infertility issues or some other significant disorders which pre-pones or cancels their chances to have their kids. Since dominant consensus lies with late marriage in the modern concept, people rush into their family planning process or are being diagnosed with other detrimental issues. The couple finds itself in a disheartening and helpless situation. So, this can also be considered as a challenge of modern marriage.
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However, robust any challenge persists to be; a sturdy marriage will face it fiercely. Do not give in easily. Give the best along with your partner and turn it into a formidable win.